If you’ve read anything about sleep habits or sleep training, you’ve probably heard that consistency is important. As a matter of fact, consistency is arguably the most important part of sleep training as a whole.
But what does that mean? Why is consistency important? How many things do you have to be consistent with for it to work? And if you know you occasionally can’t be consistent here and there, does that mean you shouldn’t even try? Fear not, we are deep diving into all things consistency in this blog post! Read on!
What is consistency with sleep training?
Consistency simply means to do something in the same way over time. Consistency is important in most areas of life in which we have a goal. If you have a fitness goal, going to the gym once won’t get you there- it’s going to the gym consistently over time. If you are working on your anxiety in therapy, going to one session will likely not do anything to help. Going to weekly sessions and practicing mindfulness outside of therapy likely will! If you’re teaching your child to write their name, showing them once will not get them there. But showing them every day for a few weeks will. Sleep is tied to many of the habits and behaviors we have in our life. So if you have a certain goal for sleep- as an adult or as a child- consistently working on the same habits and behaviors long-term is what is going to make the change and help you keep it.
Besides the obvious rewards of better sleep and easier routines, consistency is important for children because it lets them know what they can expect, learn from their environment, and feel safe. The foundation you build for your child’s sleep in their infancy and beyond is something they are likely to take with them through their life, and the benefits are huge!
What should we strive for consistency in when sleep training or improving our child’s sleep?
There are three things that are most important:
Consistency in routine
Consistency in schedule
Consistency in independent sleep/how your child falls asleep
Consistency with Sleep Routines:
A consistent sleep routine is incredibly helpful for so many reasons! A sleep routine allows your little one to wind down from the day and prepare them for sleep. It gives them “cues” that sleep is coming so that they can accept sleep more easily when it is time to go down for bed. And it promotes closeness between parent and child, as you perform these same tasks each night in preparation for sleep. A typical routine might look like this:
Final bottle/breastfeeding/bedtime snack
Bath
Pajamas
Brush teeth
Read books
Sing a song
Lights out and in bed/crib
I often get asked if the need for consistency is so exact that you need to read the same books each night or sing the same song. The answer is no. You can have small variables in your routine like which toothpaste you use, which books you choose, or which songs you sing! As a matter of fact, for toddler parents, allowing your toddler to choose these things within the structure of the routine you’ve created gives them age-appropriate control and input. Those little choices are inconsequential to the consistency of the routine. The important part is going through these same steps in the same order almost every night.
Consistency in Schedules When Sleep Training
Consistency in schedule is another important part of your child’s sleep hygiene. Our body learns rhythms from when we choose to wake up in the morning, nap, and go to bed at night. Some parents prefer using wake windows and some parents prefer using a set schedule for sleep. It doesn’t matter which one you choose, as long as you keep it consistent! This allows your child’s body to fall into the rhythm of when they sleep throughout the day and night consistently. We also recommend having a general time your child is up in the morning (give or take 20 minutes) and a similar bedtime each night.
Consistency with Independent Sleep
One of the most important times to be consistent is when you are actively trying to make changes to sleep, like when you are sleep training. Sleep training means you are going from one routine (like feeding, rocking, or bouncing to sleep) to independent sleep and letting your child fall asleep in their crib. Because you are changing from one set routine to another, it requires consistency to do this successfully. We want to get them to a point of being fully comfortable with the new routine, falling asleep independently. If you feed your child to sleep some nights and lay them in the crib to fall asleep on their own other nights, they are likely to stay stuck in a place of not feeling comfortable with falling asleep independently. This opens the door to the process taking much longer, being more frustrating for them and for you, causing extended crying, and more. Consistency takes effort, but in the end it makes everything go much smoother!
Consistency with Parenting
Consistency is a really important part of toddler and preschooler parenting too! At that age, children are learning developmentally to test boundaries that their parents set. It is a normal and healthy thing for them to do! But it is important that when a parent sets a boundary, such as staying in their bed until the sun comes up, that you follow through on this boundary. When parents don’t keep boundaries they have set, it can cause a lot more pushback, tantruming and behavior struggles than if you had kept the boundary from the beginning. Saying what you mean and meaning what you say as a parent gives children more confidence that they can trust your guidance, and can make your parent-child relationship much more pleasant and positive overall.
What does consistency NOT mean when sleep training?!
Finally, consistency does not mean absolute perfection. As a matter of fact, many people are discouraged and often do not start things that require consistency because they assume they will need to be perfect in order to attain that goal.
We like to use the 80/20 rule around here! 80% of the time, keep to your regular routines, schedules and independent sleep. And then the other 20% makes room for life happening! Those are the days when you stay out late for a family event, need to abbreviate the routine because only one parent is home, or just want to enjoy a snuggly contact nap with your baby.
If you are ready to take a step towards new sleep habits, remember that consistency is an important part of the process! Need some accountability? Join us in Raising Happy Sleepers!